By Michelle Ruschman
For those who are trying to leave an abusive relationship, The Vine Foundation can be the first step to a new life. Founder Shannon Dwyer knows firsthand how difficult it can be to do it on your own. “I tried to leave my abuser five times over 10 years. So many people ask survivors, ‘Why didn’t you just leave?’ but it’s not that simple. In my situation, we were trauma-bonded. The abuse wasn’t the only part of our relationship. There were good times woven in and out of the abuse. For a time, we built a home together and had children together. You hold onto those precious moments with the hope he’ll finally change.”
Abuse can also be more subtle and go deeper over time. “Over the years we were together, my perception became distorted. He went to work and provided for our family, so I’d wonder why I wasn’t more grateful. Somehow, financial support became justification for how I was expected to tolerate being treated. I was made to feel like I did not have the right to push back, question him, be angry about how he spoke to me, or expect better because, after all, he paid for everything.
“I think that is the part of this story I most want another woman to understand. Abuse does not have to begin at its worst for it to be abuse.
“You do not have to wait until someone punches you in the face before you are allowed to call what is happening to you physical abuse.
“Someone paying your bills does not purchase the right to control, degrade, intimidate, restrain, or frighten you.”
Separation from people you used to see regularly and the distance put between the victim and their loved ones are also signs that shouldn’t be ignored. “Every time I wanted to go out, he’d accuse me of cheating. It just became easier to stay home until I found myself isolated and alone. As a result, his voice was the only one I heard.”
What also makes it difficult for victims to “just leave” is that there are so many moving parts they have to consider:
- If the car is under my abuser’s name, what will I use to leave?
- If I have no job and no access to the finances, how will I have the money to start a new life?
- If my abuser has an upstanding public persona, will anyone believe me?
- How do I leave with the least disruption to my children? What will this do to their friendships and ability to attend their school?
- How do I navigate the shame once this gets out?
- Is there a shelter I can go to that will have room for my kids and me? What will I be exposing them to once we get there?
- How will I retain a lawyer?
This is where The Vine Foundation can be a lifeline. “The goal of this foundation is to be able to ask, ‘What do you need RIGHT NOW so you can leave?’ and have the resources to remove any barrier. Is it rent, gas money, a job? We don’t want those answers to be a hindrance from having a life that’s free from abuse.”
Shannon was in the process of making The Vine Foundation a 501(c)(3) nonprofit when she was in a head-on collision while visiting Ireland in May. Recovery has been long and painful, but she’s finally in a place where she can focus once again on making that goal a reality. “I’m so thankful to the people who have offered to help, but for now, I’m asking that any potential donations be set aside until I can legally accept these funds directly to the foundation.”
Shannon and her husband, Brendan, have been doing what they can until that day arrives. In addition to funding, volunteers are needed to provide the resources victims need to start a new life. As part of that effort, The Vine Foundation is bringing community partners together for its Visionary Luncheon on Oct. 24, 2026, at the Mingle 30A Event Room, 66 Gordonia Way, Suite 100, Santa Rosa Beach. The gathering is designed to unite professionals in legal services, counseling, housing, transportation, medical care, child care, employment, financial guidance, advocacy and other community partnerships. The goal is to build a network of resources that helps survivors overcome barriers and take the next steps toward a life free from abuse.
If you are someone who is in an abusive relationship or you love someone who is, Shannon wants to pass on some advice. “When it is safe to do so, call law enforcement when an incident occurs and document everything you possibly can. Take photos and save text messages, voicemails, emails, and screenshots. Write down dates, times, witnesses, and exactly what happened. Keep copies somewhere your abuser cannot access.
“In the moment, you may want to minimize what happened, protect them, avoid embarrassment, or convince yourself that you’ll never need that documentation. But there may come a day when your safety, your children, or your ability to prove a pattern of abuse depends on having a record of what actually happened.
“You are far more likely to wish you had documented and reported an incident than to wish you hadn’t. Your future self may desperately need the evidence that your present self is afraid to create.
“I know how easy it is, when you are living inside of something, to move the line for what you’ll tolerate. I moved that line for years. Eventually, I realized I was no longer asking myself whether the relationship could be saved. I was asking myself whether staying in it could cost me my life.”
The Vine Foundation also plans to expand its services to include men, recognizing that abuse affects men as well as women.
The best way to reach Shannon and The Vine Foundation is by calling 850-684-5653 or emailing admin@thevinefoundationnwfl.com. You can also go to Facebook at The Vine Foundation or to Instagram at @thevinefoundationnwfl.
Michelle Ruschman is a local artist, speaker and writer. She can be reached at michelleruschman@gmail.com or michelleruschman.com.
