By Stephenie Craig
Our oldest son walked away from us and into his dorm just before we headed out of town after the first college move in. The symbolic moment of him walking away from his childhood and into his adulthood wasn’t lost on me and brought some tears. Now we begin the redefining of a new version of life and relationship as we navigate simultaneous joy, gratitude, grief, pride and excitement.
Many parents have gone before us launching kids. We listened, cared and expressed compassion. However, without having walked the road ourselves, we didn’t deeply understand that particular experience. We couldn’t know until we knew. Now, we see this family transition with new eyes, fresh emotions and have a deeper empathy to offer those who come after us. We will send a thoughtful text, take a mom for lunch, tell a Dad he might feel sadder than he is expecting, give longer hugs, and check on people weeks after the move in.
While pain isn’t unique to the human experience, we all walk through different brands of pain at different moments. Your pain is your own and needs its own space to be felt and processed.
And, your pain journey can also be an invitation to care for others with similar pain in uniquely empathic ways. If you’ve walked through divorce, you understand what those walking through divorce might be feeling and needing. If you’ve walked through cancer diagnosis, you understand what those walking through cancer might be feeling and needing.
So, how do you use your experience to extend care and empathy to others walking a similar road to the one you’ve walked?
10 Ways to Care for Others from Your Experience:
Give your personal pain space. Take the time to understand your experience, feel your feelings, and reflect on what you’re learning. Seek support as you process your pain.
Notice the pain of others. Be aware and curious about pain others might be experiencing. Extend compassion broadly to others while noticing when a person’s pain might align more closely to something you’ve experienced.
Remember your experience. Remember how you felt in your body and thoughts in the midst of pain. What did you need? What would have helped you feel seen and cared for? Explore remembering your pain as a brainstorm while also being mindful that each person may have different needs.
Listen with validation. Ask curious, open ended questions. How are you feeling lately? What is this like for you on the inside? How are you navigating this transition emotionally? Then remind the person their feelings are normal. I understand why you’re feeling sad, this is really sad.
Ask how you can support them. Sometimes people aren’t quite sure what they need but other times they can tell you clearly. Remember to ask.
Offer encouraging words. Send a card, text or call letting them know you are thinking about them and care about their experience.
Offer practical gestures. Deliver dinner, take them to coffee, take them a basket of snacks, provide house cleaning services.
Offer kindness. Send flowers, a thoughtful item through the mail, leave something thoughtful on their porch.
Offer your presence. Offer a hug, to sit with someone and listen, invite them on a walk, or offer to do something they enjoy.
Follow up. Put reminders in your calendar and/or reach out to check in when you think of the person consistently over time.
Your understanding and empathy can be a meaningful gift to someone else walking through hard things. Remember the care you offer is for the other person and not to fill a need in yourself to provide care. And, at the same time, providing empathic care to others does often result in deeper healing within you.
Connect with us along your journey for counseling and coaching at Journeybravely.com.
